Doing your make-up in the morning is a complex ritual comparable to life altering surgery. When your face is ready, you feel ready, if your make-up goes wrong, your day goes wrong. The situation is tense to say the least and the pressure is palpable…

1. You say a silent prayer to the make-up Gods that your hand will be steady and your eyeliner will be sharpened to precision.

2. Where is the best light in this room? It has to be bright but not fluorescent. Where’s that mirror, the flattering one?

3. Concealer first or foundation first? Should I apply with my fingers or brush? Which did I do that day when my makeup was amazing?

4. Why is my face a different colour to my neck? Has my foundation always been three shades too dark?

5. I’ll wear my hair down; no one is going to notice.

6. What if it’s windy and people see my neck? Everyone’s going to know. Everyone is going to stare at the multi-coloured girl… I’ll wear a scarf.

7. I’m going to smudge my eyeliner and do those smokey eyes.

8. That didn’t work. You look like someone who slept in their makeup then cried all morning because you realised you slept in your makeup…

9. Winged eyeliner solves everything, it’s going to elongate my eyes and give me that seductive feline look.

10. That’s not subtle. That is like the wing of an albatross rather than a dove.

11. Maybe I’ll thin it out, wipe some off.

12. Now the area around your eyes is white and the rest of your face is orange. Just give up.

13. Why are my eyebrows grey? Is that foundation in my eyebrows?

14. This will do, it’ll have to do.

15. If anyone tells me I look good today I will know that they are a liar.