You’ve probably been in this position at some point in your life, right? Regardless of what others may say, you’re the band’s biggest fan but the trains were delayed and you’ve turned up a little late. While others have already set up camp at the front, you’re stuck right at the back. You want to reach that sacred front row so that you can taste the sweat of your idol and snatch the set list at the end of the show, but standing in your way are a bunch of irritable gig goers who have been waiting quite some time for the band to emerge on stage. You’ll have to use a few techniques in order to navigate your way past them. Here are the greatest techniques to get to the front of a gig.
The Human Chain
This is almost certainly one of the most effective methods as long as you’re in a large enough group of people. Join hands with your fellow comrades and effortlessly push your way through the masses of music fans. Having a few partners in crime also reduces any nervous feelings of uneasiness, guilt and undeniable shame. This is basically the main reason you should never head to a live gig on your own.
Pretend you’re looking for a friend
Dishonesty shouldn’t be encouraged, but this is a little white lie in the grander scheme of things. To add a dose of authenticity, raise one arm wildly in the air and press your mobile phone firmly to your ear, hopelessly shouting, “Can you see me!?” The people surrounding you will have absolutely no idea that your phone ran of battery ages ago. Crafty, eh?
Apologise Profusely
If you’re not really the deceptive type, then you’ll have to practice your very best apology. Tone is incredibly important, as you want to sound both helpless and regretful. Act as if you simply have no choice but to butt your way past some very unhappy and disgruntled hipsters. Remember to occasionally repeat the phrase, “I’m so so sooooo sorry.” If you’ve got a slightly forgiving crowd, you should get away with this particular technique.
Be Absolutely Ruthless
If you are lucky enough to have been born with a complete lack of tact or compassion, then just get the flipping job done. Don’t make any excuses and definitely don’t apologise to the angry gig goers, just shove your way through until you make it to the front row and become a sweaty mess along with the rest of the die hard fans. To be fair, we’ll salute you for your truly audacious ways. Well done!
Pretend that you’re in the band
if no other amazing techniques appear to be working, pull a Lee nelson at Glastonbury last year during Kanye West’s explosive set. Buy a fake microphone (don’t ask us where from…) before frantically barging your way through the large crowds. Make sure that you’re panicky and screaming, “I’m supposed to be on stage right now.” Obviously, try to dress as obnoxiously as possible as well. You want to look like you’re in a band, right?
Pretend To Be Security?
If things are getting truly desparate, then you may have to try this pretty risky and dodgy approach. Find some appropriate attire (like a fluorescent vest) and start surging through the crowd. Also, make sure to have that expression on your face that definitely lets people arounf you know that you’re not a music fan and are, in fact, working right now. How is it we’ve never seen one security member even slightly appreciating a sweet guitar lack or monumental drum solo? Shameful, really.
